Paradox Blog

Now I am a parent. Parenthood has changed me, not only in my bra size and my waist line, but in the way I think, which surprises me most. I used to believe in freedom of expression, art for art's sake. I used to condone irresponsibility attributed to human frailty and have a lot of sympathy toward society's dilemma in crime and punishment. I always looked for an explanation behind a mistake. Everything has a reason. Everyone deserves a chance. Now I am suspicious about the intend behind any expression. My protective instinct as a parent had took over. I no longer see any expression fit to be expressed, not if the context intends to take advantage of an innocent mind. Responsibility of each individual to the society comes before his freedom to express.

If you break the code of civilization by preying on the weak, the young, if you resorts to violence to get your way, you should pay by being cast away, separated from the civilization that depends on its members to honor the code, the code that we are a race that live and strive on reason and wisdom, cooperate among ourselves, respect the territory of one another and protect our young. I used to distrust the power of a community to be no more than censors that govern our behavior, bond our freedom and keep our creativity in check. As a parent I need the assurance from the same community that my child can grow and flourish in a civil and harmonious environment.

I used to be young. Racism bothered me but did not deter me. Sexism irritated me but wouldn't slow me down. Now when I see a racist act or hear a sexist remark, I am saddened and ponder how my daughter would be affected if she ever had to encounter such injustice. I started to observe how prevalent is this sexist attitude, how deep-rooted the racist perception. And I regret to see the public motivated by fear passing short-sighted policies, opportunists motivated by greed exploiting sex for profit. The reality of gender bias and cultural bias became a constant worry. The image of my gender is still distorted and my culture not main-stream. Is my baby going to get a fair chance at school? Is she going to be handicapped by the hostility toward her gender and her parents' origin? But I have not forgotten why I decided to settle down here. I have not forgotten the chance given to me as an individual. I have not forgotten the neighbors and the people in my daily contact. We do not all come from the same places but we get along.

Parenthood had aged me. I no longer want to drive fast all the time. I no longer enjoy loud music and racy movies. Slowly but surely, my daughter is replacing me to be the invincible young while I settled into the role of her overbearing, old-fashioned, conservative parent.