Paradox Blog

There isn't a tear-jerking story behind my journey to become a citizen of the United States. Neither is there political persecution nor poverty that's the driving force behind the quest. I simply came here to study for a graduate degree, found a job afterward, got a company-sponsored green-card and applied for citizenship five years after that. On the day of the oath ceremony, there was a sense of relieves: No more paperwork, no more long wait in the INS halls, and no more taxation without representation.

There was however a tinge of doubts. The Oath of Allegiance asks me to forgo my "allegiance and fidelity" to the country I came from. I ask myself can I truly abandon any loyalty to the land I grew up with. I have no enmity toward her, I spent twenty-four years of my life there and I still have close family living there. I know I can never severe my tie to the island on the other side of the Pacific. She was my mother's homeland. Nor can I not be curious about her political and economic future. But growing up there, I hadn't had much participation in her political process, nor did I experience the transformation of her from an economically minded totalitarian state to a fledgling democracy. Equally not severable are my interests in my father's homeland, the land of the dragon's descendents, of her abundance in history as well as mystery. Equally not deniable is my disagreement with her socialistic ideologies.

Thinking back, it's sad but true that I do not have a true sense of belonging anywhere. Am I going to adopt this country and feel truly at home? I have doubts that the armed forces that I pledge services to will protect me equally as they do to people of their own skin color. I doubt that I will not be looked upon as a foreigner often enough. I doubt that politicians that court my votes will not betray my interests at the sight of pressure and profit. I do have a sense of belonging when I look around me in the local community. There is a large enough population of us that make the culture I grew up with recognized. There is such mixture of races in all walks of life that locally we are represented, in good ways and in bad ways. The economy is going for us. And most importantly, I chose to be here.

I chose to live here, for the landscape, the job market, the pay scale, the house we have bought, the flowers and vegetable I have planted in the backyard, and for thinking that my daughter may enjoy a more resourceful childhood and benefit from an open-minded education that's offered in the schools of this country. For the sake of my daughter, I sincerely hope my sense of belonging will grow as days go by. And I'll do my part to participate in her schools, in the voting and in giving to charity as to be vigilant of the environment she will grow up in. When she grows up, this will be her country and I hope she feels that she belongs.